INTERVIEW
Toe-to-Toe with Twakkie and Corné
Cape Town Today chats to
Twakkie and Corné, starts of The Most Amazing Show,
about... Well, it's hard to say really.
I made the near fatal mistake
of calling Corné the “Love Doctor”. Instantly Twakkie had
a spoon in his hand and was threatening to gouge my eye
out, like he had with two other unfortunate individuals.
You see, Corné is the “Love Captain” not the “Love
Doctor”.
Twakkie then graphically demonstrates how to gouge
and eye out with a teaspoon, looks at me and says,
“If you say anything k#k about the show we’ll mo#r you!”
Which is exactly what they said to a journo who had been
taking notes at the previous night’s performance. They
actually made a point of embarrassing everybody at the
press tables and a few other members of the audience as
well. So if you go to the show, my advice is to find a
spot as far away from the stage as possible, unless you
enjoy gratuitous public humiliation. Like the bloke who
had baby powder stuffed down the back of his bum crack.
Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as the frozen chicken Twakkie stuffed down the back of Corné’s pants. Yes, you
read the last sentence correctly. But I digress, and so do
Twakkie and Corné. Frequently.
The “guys” arrived for the
interview in character, which was quite cool in one sense
because I was treated to my own private “Most Amazing
Show”. Unfortunately it was pretty hard to get a straight
answer to any question. Or any kind of answer to any
questions. Or, to be perfectly honest, anything vaguely
resembling a coherent sentence. Instead they would ramble
on in their own strange accents (which they insisted were
quite normal – mine was the strange one) waxing about
their love for guys, guy-girls, lesbos, and homos.
Every
passing stranger, particularly of the female variety,
received some kind of comment, especially from the love
doctor. I’m sorry… love captain. But judging from their
behaviour the previous night, and in front of me during
the interview, I suspect there might be a bit more than
brotherly love between these two. Even though Corné had
seduced Twakkie’s mother and wife. At least I think that’s
what Twakkie was trying to tell me.
Both are quite adept at taking
charge of an interview and reversing the roles. At one
point Corné asked me what sport and gym routines I enjoy,
and based on my answer informed that I had just recently
discovered the art of… pleasuring myself, preferred fish
to meat and had crush on both Samantha Fox and Rob Lowe.
I
was saved from further humiliation by the arrival of
another journalist and I stuck around partly because I
wanted to see if she fared any better than I did, and
partly because Corné had taken a liking to my Polaroid’s
and didn’t want to give them back. But that’s another
story.
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